Before I show you how to spark curiosity in your ex through text messages, I’m going to assume the following things about you:

  • You sincerely want your ex back because the two of you had chemistry and the relationship is something worth fighting for.
  • You’re not trying to be manipulative or seeking revenge on your ex.
  • You truly want to commit to getting your ex back and aren’t just doing it because you’re currently feeling needy or sad.
  • You’ve been taking care of yourself, going out with friends, and meeting and/or dating other people.
  • You’ve taken time off from your ex and have followed a no contact rule for at least a month.

If the above things apply, then you’re now ready to make contact with your ex again so you can work on building a new, better relationship than you had before. Remember, your old relationship is dead. It’s never coming back. This will be an entirely new relationship with your ex.

Take out your cell phone and let’s get started.

When you want to text your ex back, your first few text messages shouldn’t try to convince your ex to meet up so you can talk things out. They shouldn’t bring up old issues from your past relationship, nor should they be aimed at getting your ex into bed.

Instead, you simply want to open the lines of communication and create a positive, fun experience so your ex can open their mind to being with you again. Also, don’t be alarmed if you don’t get a response right away. It’s perfectly normal and doesn’t mean your texts aren’t having an effect.

Ok, to get the ball rolling you’ll want to use what Michael Fiore refers to in his texting guide, Text Your Ex Back, as an “across the bow” text. This is a shot in the dark text aimed at engaging your ex without being pushy. It doesn’t demand a response, but your ex may still decide to start up a conversation from it.

There are a couple ways you can go about this. The first way is to find a common experience you and your ex share and turn it into something positive. The idea is that you came across something that reminded you of your ex. Remember, your ex hasn’t heard from you for a while so this will be unexpected and hopefully a nice, positive surprise.

For example, “I just walked by a large display of Grey’s Anatomy DVD’s. It totally made me think of you for the first time in a while because I know you never miss an episode. Hope you’re doing well.”

Another way to approach this type of text is to offer up a quick compliment and mention that you’re OK with the breakup.

For example, “Just thought of you. I’m glad you were part of my life. Keep being you and I hope you’re doing great.”

How your ex responds (positive, negative, neutral, or not at all) will dictate where you go from here, but always remember this: in your first few texts, you never want to come off as needy or overly eager.